by Ashley Lucas
I feel like there are two sides to me at this point. The student and the person and they are in two different stages in this quarantine.
Student Ashley is doing okay. I am still stressed but I am feeling like I am settling into my schedule, getting used to this new form of instruction. Everyone is being flexible, and I appreciate the understanding from my professors that this is new to all of us. Student me is having a hard time staying motivated. I think this comes from a combination of there being more distractions at home as well as the distraction of how different the world is at the moment. I’ve found it hard for me to get started on schoolwork some days, but then I am thankful for the distraction that it gives once I do. I shut my bedroom door and immerse myself in whatever work I am doing and try to forget about the outside world for just a little while. It works sometimes, but other times it doesn’t work at all and it takes me hours to do an assignment that should have taken me thirty minutes.
Person Ashley is struggling emotionally and mentally. I’m am tired of being at home. I feel like I am going stir crazy in my house. I want to go see my friends and family, and I want to go to Target and TJ Maxx. I find it funny because when I am at school all I want to do is come home. Now that I am stuck at home all I want to do is get out of here. As much as I love my family, my home and my dogs, a person can only take so much. I have to force myself to get out of bed some days. I have to force myself to pick up one of my instruments, even though I know that when I do, I will feel so much better. I am starting to figure out what works for me to find my new normal. Then I remember how lucky I am to have a safe house to live in, food to eat, and people to keep me company.
This is new for me. It’s hard and confusing. I am trying to remember to extend myself grace, forgiveness, and time. I am letting myself feel what I need to feel. Things are changing. They aren’t the same and they won’t be for quite a while. I am also trying to do the same thing for my family as they maneuver through this time. I have tried to make an effort that they are also trying to develop their new normal and that it most likely will not look anything like mine. What I need to feel normal is not what they need and vice versa. It’s important to me to extend this understanding beyond just my family, remembering that everyone is trying to find their new normal.
Going forward I am going to try to keep myself busy and stay positive. I am going to spend more time singing and playing, doing puzzles, playing video games, spending time with my dogs. We just ordered some clippers to cut their hair at home, so that should be an interesting activity. Maybe they won’t come out looking too bad. Nothing can make them look worse than they do right now! Remember to be nice to each other, check on your people, and STAY HOME! We can do this!
